Most people get married without thinking that it is someday going to end in divorce. They feel that they have the ‘perfect marriage’ and that nothing could possibly go wrong. The problem is, the deck is stacked against you and it takes a lot of personal dedication to keep a marriage strong.
If you are with somebody for an extended amount of time it is going to result in problems every once in a while. Some of those issues may seem to come out of the blue and although some married couples are able to stick together, the national divorce rate tells a different story. 50% of all marriages will end in a split between the one-time happy couple, so you need to be on the right side of that percentage. There may be some legitimate reasons why it happened but sometimes, it just seems like it is done for the most basic reasons.
In some cases, the question as to whether a relationship is going to work or not comes down to knowing certain things about the other person. That is what a divorce lawyer was recently quoted as discussing. People come to him to get help when their relationship is ending but he is often able to change their minds with only 4 simple questions.
The young Brazilian family lawyer, Raffaella Gonçalves, has helped many people with their divorce. He recently went viral with a Facebook post, however, when he talked about what people could do to stop the divorce from happening.
“I’ve lost a client, but I gained a couple of friends,” Rafael explained on Facebook.
Despite the fact that he may have alienated some of his potential clientele, he proposed 4 questions to his client that allowed her to take a moment and reflect before she proceeded with the divorce. It was a gesture that most divorce lawyers would never try but for him, it was a no-brainer. He says: “I don’t think I did anything special and, in my opinion, all my colleagues should act the same way.”
The 4 questions that stop a divorce are as follows:
1. Have I done everything I can to save my marriage?
In some cases, the spouse may feel as if they have done everything possible to save the marriage but there is likely something missing. When you consider everything that is at stake when it comes to a divorce, it’s one of the most important questions you can ask yourself.
Consider this statistic from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist. They discovered that 93% of couples who went through counseling before they got a divorce felt that they had what was necessary to deal with the problems together.
2. Right now, is divorce really the best solution?
There may be times when divorce is the best solution but typically, it is only when both people are no longer happy with the marriage and there is no other solution.
Little disagreements should never be at the root of the divorce. Often, a little compromise on the part of one or the other person in the marriage can make a difference. At times, a change of scenery may also be beneficial.
Catherine Zeta-Jones had a trial separation from her husband, Michael Douglas and she said that it saved her marriage. Douglas said: “it took work on both parts.” They are still happily married today.
3. Who is influencing my decisions?
Sometimes it seems that issues come up in a relationship out of the blue but if you do a little tracing, you can typically find the roots.
Some married couples say that they don’t truly feel ‘alone in their relationships’. When others interfere and jump in on every little issue, he can make it difficult for the marriage to work.
Step aside as a couple and write down all the problems you are experiencing. You might be surprised to find that many of them come from an exterior source. Thinking about other people is not always the wrong choice but if you must leave because your children would benefit, it is something to consider.
4. How many difficult moments have you overcome together, and how did you meet?
These questions have a real beneficial impact for couples who are considering a divorce. Many people who have gone through these questions with the lawyer find out that they put their divorce on hold and try to work out their marriage together.
“Nobody starts dating planning to break up, and nobody marries planning a divorce. We live in a society that trades or throws something away instead of fixing it, and this is sadly being applied to relationships, too,” Gonçalves explained.
“Sometimes I have to deal with couples who are still confused when they decide to start divorce proceedings, and in the heat of emotion, they don’t think very well before making this decision. [In this case], the divorce was unnecessary — so much so, that they’re still together today,” said Gonçalves.