First dates are always a gamble –you could find a hidden gem of a person, or you could spend your evening with a human turd. Unfortunately for Kimberley Latham-Hawkesford, she landed herself the latter.

Not too long ago, she happened to go out with a guy who she’d assumed was a catch. They had one date – just one – then he vanished and she never heard from him again. It’s the unfortunate standard these days that if you’re not vibe-ing with someone, you just ghost them.

But the guy didn’t stay a ghost for long, as he ending up randomly sliding into her DMs three months after their date. So classy. But it didn’t stop there. Instead of trying to chat her up again, this creep decided it was totally acceptable to insult Kimberley in every possible manner.

Kimberley shared his list of criticisms for her in a Facebook post:

“Hello Kimbereley, I know we went on a date quite a while ago but I’d like to explain why I haven’t messaged you. I feel like you could have made the date much better, here’s a few reasons why. I apologize if I offend you.”

Cue the river of insults that follow:

“If you lost some weight, you would look incredible. Maybe a stone or so. You are very pale. I know you aren’t a fan of the sun but a bit of fake tan won’t hurt. You have quite big boobs so you should show your cleavage off more. I think you need to wear clothes that suit your figure and maybe update your style slightly. Just so I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you.”

Think that’s the end of it? Think again:

“You need to dye your hair a normal color and add extensions. Longer hair is much more attractive. You need to look more natural, stop wearing makeup. Just make yourself look decent but don’t overkill it. Your lips have gone down so you should think of getting more filler. I know you said you regretted it but filler would make you look sexier. You need so much more confidence, confidence is sexy! The fact you take things slow makes you look like a prude.”

And the pièce de résistance, the fragile male ego:

“I didn’t get a kiss which messed with my ego. Be more sensitive to other’s feelings.”

Want to chuck your phone or laptop at the wall yet? There’s more:

“When we had food I know you got a salad but having full fat coke is more calories you really don’t need. You need to keep your past to a minimum. I don’t care about it and what you went through. Get a sense of humor, you didn’t laugh at a single one of my jokes. You just seemed a bit stuck up. Sort your personality out. You made me feel like s**t when you offered to pay. It’s like you thought I didn’t have enough money after telling you how much is in my account. You didn’t compliment me once.”

And he finally wraps up:

“If you take these on board I might consider another date. I will give you a month and get back in touch to see if this made a difference. Good day to you Kimberley.”

He’s so delusional with himself it’s not even funny. Can’t wait to see him up on the Facebook Prick Advisor page.

Breathe a sigh of relief Kimberley, you clearly dodged a bullet there.