Although it may be difficult to live with any member of the family, depending upon who they are, the mother-in-law often gets the short end of the stick. They are typically looking out for the best interest of their child but they may not do so in a way that is easy to live with. One mother learned that there is a difference between an overbearing in law and a psychotic one.
The mother talked about her situation in a popular online advice column. She said that her mother-in-law talked her son into changing the name of their newborn child and she didn’t learn about it for two months.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My son is 2 months old, and I just discovered my husband spelled our son’s middle name as “Finlay” instead of “Finley” on all of his legal documentation. I, of course, am furious, because I told him I was fine with the middle name but it had to be spelled Finley—and he agreed before our son was ever born.
His mother even sent a Christmas gift to middle name “Finlay,” and when I made a comment to my husband he didn’t even have the decency to tell me! He just let me keep believing for two months that our son’s middle name was spelled Finley when it legally isn’t! I discovered this all when I went looking for his Social Security card and birth certificate to file them away properly. He says he regretted it as soon as the card came and has been afraid to tell me.
Now here is where it gets tricky. Apparently his mother guilt-tripped him into doing this while I was asleep after my emergency C-section. Keep in mind she lives a few states away, so this was all over the phone. She tried to convince him to give our son a first name that I very much hated, saying that I would “get mad, but get over it.” My husband thought changing his first name was too much but apparently gave in to spelling his middle name the way his mom wanted. She thinks that “Finlay” is more masculine than “Finley.”
My husband is very much also at fault for doing this in the first place and we are working through that together, but I feel as though something needs to be said to my mother-in-law. Do I approach her about this? Do I let my husband approach her about this? Do we approach her together? What should I say? I have no desire to have any sort of relationship with her moving forward, so I am not worried about playing nice.
I will be legally changing my son’s name to the correct spelling.
—Mama Bear
More than likely, we all have a mother-in-law story that we could share but this is about as crazy as it gets. You might even say that she took things to the next level and her outrageous behavior is not going unnoticed.
The mother got a nod from the advice columnist and she provided a few choice words in regards to the mother in law. They then took a closer look at the husband, who was, no doubt, attempting to fly under the radar.
Purposefully changing the name of your child on a birth certificate behind your back is pretty close to a fireable offense if you ask me. I mean real close.
I don’t take divorce lightly, and I’m recommending it on the strength of this one event alone, but a thing like this gets up to a good 65 percent on the Potential Divorce-O-Meter, and if I were you I would need some time to get over this.
He owes you a significant and full-throated apology, and if he doesn’t see why then it’s hard for me to imagine that you are in a relationship with a trustworthy partner.
Marriage is built on trust and it seems as if this marriage may have a rocky road ahead of it. Mothers are a part of our lives and there is no denying that fact. Most of us would have to say, however, that this mother in law stepped over the line. No, she JUMPED over the line.
